Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
