You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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