i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
