Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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