you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
