Your dad touched me again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
