So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So vagazzling was a success
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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