I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm too high and old for this...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
