better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
