you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
