drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
