So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
