I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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