Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
