I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
