sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
