even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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