Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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