I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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