He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
