dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
one might say we're banned from that church
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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