hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
