And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did you just see the Batmobile???
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
