My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
