allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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