she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
