Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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