Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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