you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
