so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
