So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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