I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
