My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
