True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
