his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
