she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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