I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
