I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
