Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
