he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
