Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there's paper in my vomit.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
