I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I supernannyed him into submission
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
