My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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