The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
