I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
