Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
