He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
