u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
