I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
