She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
