maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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