A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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