So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
