so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
