Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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