I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
