i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
