You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
