Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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