wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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