yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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