Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The air was thick with penises
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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