you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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