Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
