I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My ATM looks so different sober.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
