How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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