everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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