So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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