so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
